I was tired so I went to lie down on the sidewalk. I
went up against the side of the building so people could walk around me. I know
this is where people pee when they are drunk late at night.
But I wanted to
lie down so I did.
I've been doing
this for 20 years .
Once you lie down
on the sidewalk, it's like you put on a magic invisibility ring. Nobody sees
you and it feels freeing.
Like, for a brief
moment, you become untethered to the world and can watch it and catalog it like
an alien sent down to observe right before the big invasion.
We were on the
upper east side of City. Everyone there feels so good-looking and put together,
I just wanted to watch them. I wanted to put my tongue in their mouths.
I closed my eyes
and drifted a little. I was high on my aloneness.
After a few
minutes someone spoke to me. "Think the Yankees got it this year?"
I opened my eyes.
About 10 feet
from me, on the other side of the wide sidewalk, was an old man in a wheelchair.
He was smiling at
me.
He had been
invisible to me. But now we were both visible.
"I don't
know. I was a Mets fan when I was a kid but haven't followed baseball since
then."
A woman passed
and the man asked her for change and she walked by and he said, “God bless you.”
I asked him how
his day was going. If he was making money.
“It's good,” he
said. “The weather is good.”
I asked him,
“What do you do when it's winter? Where do you go??
“I sometimes
sleep at friends’ houses.
Or sometimes I go
to the train station. There's always a place.”
I said, “Where
are you from originally?” and he said Alabama.
“But I've been
here for 40 years.”
He said, “But
yesterday I got some bad news. Some real bad news. My uncle had a massive,
massive heart attack.”
“Oh no, I'm sorry.
Is he OK?”
“No, he died.”
“Were you close
to him?”
He laughed a
little. He said, “Yeah, we were real close. I remember he always used to give
me cash.”
I said, “And now
look. He taught you well. You're still asking people for cash.”
He laughed.
“That's right. Sixty years later. He did teach me well.”
I wondered why he
was in the wheelchair but didn't ask. I closed my eyes again.
I don't know how
long my eyes were closed but my friend was done doing whatever she was doing
and she rushed past me and said, “OK, now I have to go over to…”
I got up. “I'll
go with you,” I said.
“See you later,”
I said.
“See you,” he
said.
“Good luck with
the rest of the day.”
I walked over to
where his cup was and then caught up with my friend when I was done.
We started
walking several blocks. We were going to eat cake. That was our original plan
when we left the apartment we were renting that week.
There is only one
place in the city we go to to eat cake. There's like four tables in the place
and they make these cakes that are special.
“Who was that
guy?” she said.
“Nobody,” I said.
“What were you
talking about?”
“Nothing really.”
We were walking
block after block because I forgot where the cake place was. Soon we had walked
a mile or two.
The best way to
explore is to be lost. I like to always be a tiny bit lost. It's wonderful when
a new face is a new mystery.
I didn't feel like
improving 1% that day. It was a “no self-help” day. It was a “no” day.
We had our cake
and ate it too.
Which, by the
way, is exactly what you are supposed to do with cake.
Too many times we
try to do whatever everyone else thinks is good for us.
We don't do what
we simply want to do.
We don't love
what we simply want to love.
I work hard to
get things. But then I forget to experience. Things go away but experience
leaves a little bit of a shadow tattoo on the brain.
When I GET, then
that's usually followed by I want to CONTROL. I forget that everyone should
just do what they want to do.
I know I get
along with people better (my kids) when I don't try to control them. I just try
to love them.
We live in this
small crack of light between two dark infinities. I want mine to be filled with
new experiences. Because new things go away. But experiences I can anticipate,
I can enjoy, and I can remember.
Trifecta!
We ate our cake
and were happy and started to walk home.
We passed where I
was lying down before but the man was gone. Maybe he had collected enough
money. The sun had an hour left to live and his uncle was dead.
But the uncle
taught him well. You and I should be so lucky to learn something from each
other while we are still here.
That was two days
ago. God bless you.
Sincerely,
Ankur Agarwal
P.S
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